The Journey Home

Anyone who knows me knows I love an ebenezer. Not Ebenezer Scrooge, though the Disney version of A Christmas Carol is one of my favorites and the redemptive nature of Scrooge does give me hope for humanity. I digress. I love an ebenezer that one carries with them after a meaningful encounter with the Holy. It’s a token that holds a memory of the experience and a reminder of God’s faithfulness and goodness in all things, even those experiences that are painful, unexplainable, and life altering. Ebenezer in Hebrew means “stone of help.” There are several mentions of this in the Old Testament of scripture. This weekend, I spent a lengthy amount of time in my flower garden. My gardens have a power to ground me, hold me, and bring me to wholeness. I have especially needed them lately. As I walked around and admired my flowers and the beauty that surrounds me, I kept walking to the ebenezers that I have placed throughout my flowers and birdbath. These are rocks/stones, of various size and formations I have acquired from places where I have been. They carry reminders of sacred experiences and encounters with the Holy I desire to hold on to.

In scripture, an ebenezer was often described as an altar, built by the one who claims the glory of God in all things. The first altar was built in the story of the flood. Genesis 8 tells us that after the flood subsided, Noah sent out a raven and then a dove. On the third flight from the ark, the dove did not return and Noah knew that the waters had dried up on the earth and they could exit the ark. Begin again. Genesis 8:20-22 tells us of the first altar of scripture: Then Noah built an altar to the Lord, and took of every clean animal and of every clean bird, and offered burnt offerings on the altar. And when the Lord smelled the pleasing odor, the Lord said in his heart, “I will never again curse the ground because of humankind, for the inclination of the human heart is evil from youth; nor will I ever again destroy every living creature as I have done. As long as the earth endures, seedtime and harvest, cold and heat, summer and winter, day and night, shall not cease.” What a beautiful promise. After many years of fear, longing for dry land and holding fast to God’s faithfulness, God delivers. God was always present with Noah, his family and the living creatures rescued. I’m sure, as Noah was human, he had to have doubted. In that doubt his faith had to grow, doubt solidifies authentic relationship with God. God provided, and Noah knew his faith was not in vain. God also promised to never destroy again, this promise many of us know to be a rainbow, that is believed to have appeared after the flood. I know rainbows hold special meaning in my life as a reminder of God’s promises and usually are seen after a hard rain and/or severe thunderstorm. Noah praised and worshiped God through building an altar to solidify God’s presence in his life and his trust in God. Noah also offered animal sacrifice, which was common practice in this context. Granted, in my life, I (and others I know) don’t offer animal sacrifice after a monumental moment in life. However, building an altar is something I have done with stones and carrying a stone from the place is common for me.

The actual naming of an ebenezer came in 1 Samuel 7 when Samuel called the people of Israel to return to the Lord and put away their false gods. He gathered them at Mizpah and prayed for them and for deliverance from the Philistines. God heard their cry and delivered them. 1 Samuel 7:10-14 tells us: As Samuel was offering up the burnt offering, the Philistines drew near to attack Israel; but the Lord thundered with a mighty voice that day against the Philistines and threw them into confusion; and they were routed before Israel. And the men of Israel went out of Mizpah and pursued the Philistines, and struck them down as far as beyond Beth-car. Then Samuel took a stone and set it up between Mizpah and Jeshanah, named it Ebenezer, for he said, “Thus far the Lord has helped us.” So the Philistines were subdued and did not again enter the territory of Israel; the hand of the Lord was against the Philistines all the days of Samuel. The towns that the Philistines had taken from Israel were restored to Israel, from Ekron to Gath; and Israel recovered their territory from the hand of the Philistines. The Israelites had an incredible encounter with God. God helped them. In the midst of their fear and trembling, God was present. God was active. Ritual and honor are so important to me. Claiming an ebenezer in the midst of my struggle, my joy, my hurt, my evolving faith and spiritual growth honors those times when I encounter God in a sacred and meaningful way. An ebenezer offers me time to pause, make a mental note. Through the ritual of picking up a stone and carrying it with me to place somewhere visible and special, makes God’s presence even more tangible for me. This is especially true in the moments I need God most. I have 8 ebenezers I have collected over my life so far.

Back to walking through my garden… during this time a song, offered to me several years ago by a friend, gently called to my heart. My small family of 3 has been in the midst of grief, trials and transitions the last several years. I’ve written about this in this space. For my daughter and myself, there have been emotional, mental and physical health struggles and healing. For my husband, who has been our rock, this year has brought intense pain, questions, and true humility; all the while standing in his integrity and the assurance that the goodness of God will prevail. However that looks. For anyone who hasn’t heard this song, it is beautifully written by Chris Renzema and holds great value and meaning. The lyrics are as follows:

I’ve been here before my heart feels so weak. Got this weight upon my chest and I can’t stop forgetting. My God, that you’ve never left, you’re right here with me. Still I’m convinced you’re hiding, oh God would you remind me… That you’re still just as good as when I met you. You’re still just as kind don’t let me forget that you’re still the same God who led me through the fire, you’re still the same God that separates the waters. Come do what only you can do. God, I need you.

You’ve done this before will you do it again, ’cause the waves are all around me. And it feels like I’m drowning. My God, will you still reach down and give me your hand, ’cause even when I’m doubting, your love it still surrounds me. Oh…And you’re still just as good as when I met you. You’re still just as kind don’t let me forget that you’re still the same God who led me through the fire, you’re still the same God that separates the waters. Come do what only you can do. God, I need you.

And I will build an altar. Stack it stone by stone. ‘Cause every ebenezer says I’ve never been alone. My faith will surely falter, but that don’t change what you’ve done. ‘Cause every ebenezer points to where my help comes from. And I will build an altar. Stack it stone by stone. ‘Cause every ebenezer says I’ve never been alone. My faith will surely falter, but that don’t change what you’ve done. ‘Cause every ebenezer points to where my help comes from. ‘Cause every ebenezer points to where my help comes from.

And you’re still just as good as when I met you. You’re still just as kind don’t let me forget that you’re still the same God who led me through the fire, you’re still the same God that separates the waters. Come do what only you can do. God, I need you.

This song brought me to tears, which has never happened before when I’ve heard it. I’ve always loved the reference to ebenezer and it was a new song for me. I still have a complex and complicated relationship to contemporary Christian music. In this particular moment, I believe, the lyrics just hit me in a tender spot due to the events, feelings, and complexities the last few months have held. What resonated so profoundly with me was the first verse. I’ve been in church hurt before, myself. In that moment I was holding the layers of not only my pain, but my husband’s incredible hurt and love for a people he holds tight. My heart felt weak and it felt like a weight. However, the reminder that God is present, God is good, and God will provide remained true in that moment. I’ve really been reflecting on the kindness of God lately (another song for reflection- Kindness by Chris Tomlin). The gentleness and humility of God in our lives. Something my husband emulates daily. The phrase “come do what only you can do, God, I need you” sat deep in my soul not only for us, but for these people and this person they are calling. I hold close all of these people at play. My prayer is goodness. My prayer is faithfulness. My prayer is God’s presence and guidance in all that is at play. I hold to Romans 8:28: “We know that all things work together for good for those who love God, who are called according to his purpose.” This truth gives me hope. This truth gives me pause. This truth is my own ebenezer that I have and continue to carry forward. “Every ebenezer points to where my help comes from…” This truth, every stone, every word, carries power and reminders of a God that is good. A God that provides. A God that is present, that shows up, and that works all things out. This is where my faith lies today.