The Journey Home

I guess it is appropriate that I begin writing in 2026 during the season of Lent. Lent has brought different challenges and adventures over the last several years. I have gained clarity and growth by adding certain practices during Lent and experienced suffering in my daughter’s health challenges as well as my own recovery from breast cancer during Lent. I recall deep sadness and extended periods of lament, long seasons of questions and finding a new understanding and path through the years. My spiritual journey with faith, particularly Christianity, has been a complicated one. I would not say I ever “lost” faith, I know I have always had faith, it just manifested in different ways than a “typical, mainstream” Christian. I would not doubt many Christians I know, especially those in the first half of my life, would tell you I “lost the faith” or “strayed from Jesus.” Only I know the truth as it is my experience and my journey. Faith is unique and true for each individual person. A deep, ever evolving. and growing faith has many layers. These layers form over time through experiences, doubts, encounters with the Holy, and an openness to understanding and valuing the sacred, which I experience in all spiritual truths and journeys.

This Lent I have chosen to join my husband in giving up the deliciousness of potatoes (all kinds of ways) and fried food. This is something we crave and rely on sometimes daily, and this has been a challenge so far. My husband also gave up most foods made with basic flour and sugar. This I did not take on, only allowing myself one sweet treat a day, as this is hard in and of itself for me. I did however, add again this year to Lenten journey. I have added 15 minutes a day in the morning for meditation (mostly through the Hallow App daily stories and offerings) and 15 minutes at night journaling gratitude, a scripture I’m sitting with that day, reflections and thoughts of the day and a daily prayer. This has been SO hard because I am not a journal person. Especially not daily. This has been my greatest challenge even faced with eliminating food. Last year I chose to sit daily with the book of Jonah. I was struggling with my anger at the outside world and it allowed me to change my perspective of people who incited anger and rage within me. Also surprising, was my turn inward to acknowledge the things that make me angry at others are things that I have within myself and making peace with that awareness and places inside.

With only a week in, I have found that journaling every night has helped me make sense of my day, my thoughts, and those things that are stirring within me. I am able to focus on what I hope and what needs attention through prayer or processing. I feel more present with those that I pray for, especially in the moment. I am more focused. In the beginning, I can name my more begrudging behavior in taking time to do this act and reflection. Currently, I have noticed the grace and focus it is bringing me. I guess we will see how the season plays out. I have been able to focus and ask for discernment in hoping to create a small group of women who I hope to gather that is open to vulnerable, candid conversations around faith, scripture and life. It has helped me not to be impulsive in putting a group together based on my feeling at the time, which I have been so guilty of doing when I get excited. This has been good awareness for me, whether I continue this focused time at night or not after Easter. There is value in this.

This Lent is a time that I need to focus. I need to be more internal and dare I say prayerful, of what is to come in the life of my church (the senior pastor is retiring after Easter), the life of my family (my husband, the associate pastor is applying for this position), and my own hopes of continued growth and discernment in my faith journey. There are a lot of uncertainty at this time and I actually have peace about it. Not that I don’t worry, at times it’s pretty consuming, but only momentarily as I hold onto the truth that “this too shall pass” and we, I, will be okay. It has made such a difference to think of my life in seasons. This season is one of uncertainty, change, and hope. I welcome this Lenten season, and my hope is that I continue to grow as a person, as a minister, as a wife and mother, as a daughter and sister, and as a friend and gardener. It’s still winter here, but I am looking forward to when spring arrives and stays.