I’ve had a hard time this year reflecting and even considering writing. Currently, I just completed another surgery for more reconstruction and will have a week off to recover. I’m hoping that helps some with a much needed break from work. I’m still considering next year may be it for me and my chaplain career. 20 years is a long time to see, absorb and continue to move on in the midst of some very tragic situations and an influx in fetal demise with population growth. It’s hard to think your PTO is consistently going towards surgical vacations, but you do what you have to do. It’s definitely a hard season all around so far.
I’ve also had a hard time living in this world this year. Seeing friends and fellow hard working Americans being let go and laid off only because of where they work and someone’s idea cutting positions will help revitalize the country is not ok. Also cutting all diversity and inclusion project and departments is bs to me. Diversity is what makes this world and inclusion is a foundation for biblical principles, except for white nationalism, which is what we are experiencing. It’s scary. I’m scared. I’m angry. I’m also worried for my daughter’s world as she grows.
For Lent, I did not give up anything. I added prayer and 30 minutes a day for reflection. In that time I have chosen to pray for those I struggle with and want to hate. I’ve become a pretty angry person this year and I was convicted much of the outside world (those things beyond me and my scope) is creating this seething rage. I was not looking at leaders and those that trigger me in some way as children of God or even with an ounce of compassion and care. This is not who I am at my core. I love God and I love people (even when I don’t like them). So I’ve begun taking my 30 minutes with whoever is laid on my heart and I imagine them as little people and what their life may have been like to create who they are today and also ways I see my shadow side in them. It’s helped with healing and becoming a little softer. Just as I believe everyone in the hospital deserves to be supported spiritually (mind body and soul), so do these folks I’m praying for. This has been hella hard and worth it.
On a more joyous note, I have been working towards this farming goal (future plans) and it seems to be pretty successful with the pruning of 300+ blueberries the past two month, helping a neighbor with their bees they wanted to place on our property, and I’m hoping to plant some veggies and an herb garden for tea. Hoping my recovery is going to go well again this time. My friend (and music minister) Sarah, has been helping me a great deal on the farm since my dad got sick and we’ve learned and achieved a lot so far. It’s definitely a see how this year goes before we start jumping into farmers markets (though we visited and considered one this year). Sarah’s always wanted to work on a farm and she’s rekindled and passion inside of me for nature and gardening that I’ve tamped down many years. I can’t wait for spring and the newness of life it brings!
The Journey Home 