“Life cannot be static, or it ceases to be life. Life is growth, And what are we growing in a garden? Whether the tangible fruit is a tomato or a rosebud, in a garden, we are growing roots. We are growing connection. We are growing wholeness. And we are growing hope… we are never born with roots- we grow them.” Christie Purifoy, Seedtime and Harvest
As I think back over the last year, it has been a year in which I feel I have grown the most. Grown roots and grounded, that is. Maybe roots were always growing… I have come back to my home land, in my grandfather’s house, working alongside my dad and brother to cultivate the land with dreams and desires for the future. However, I feel my roots extended the deepest and established themselves the strongest this year. This year I have waited and worked, not only on my physical healing, but grounding myself more in a place I did not see me being. My life has been a series of highs and lows, at times extreme highs and extreme lows, and some stable movement here and there. It wasn’t until I got sober, 6.5 years ago, that I really started to deal with my decisions, my edges, my constant numbing out anything hard and that I was unwilling to accept or deal with. My self-absorption hurt people in my path and coming to terms with mistakes and my own understanding of who I am and loving all of me has been a terrible, yet humbling process. My roots have still held me in place, kept me alive and upright.
This Christmas was the first Christmas that I thoughtfully engaged my husband’s and my families. My dad had been sick, which scared me, and my husband’s mother had almost died as well. After battling cancer through the holidays last year and the realization that life isn’t guaranteed, I wanted to do something special. I wanted to celebrate our roots. We made ugly Christmas shirts with my husband’s family, which I knew they would appreciate and enjoy. For my family, I made them shirts with a dream my sister in law and I shared just a few months earlier. What is to come of this dream, I have no idea. I do know that I love my family and whatever we can make of this life and legacy my father and mother built, along with their fathers and mothers and the generations before them, I want to try. I want to be in. It was a special moment for all of us.
Reflecting on this year, I cultivated my roots and grew more. I cultivated connection with those I love and consider closest and dearest to me. I have felt wholeness and a coming together in my spirit and soul. This year has felt more internal and underground with some flowering above. I’m really struggling in the waiting, thinking of Sue Monk Kidd’s, When The Heart Waits, and I am thinking that’s my journey for 2025. I’m grateful for this year. It’s been a year of steady healing- mentally and physically, and a year of trusting and listening to my inner voice. Trying my hand at gardening and learning hasn’t been bad either!
The Journey Home 