The Journey Home

The last two years there seems to be a song that remains with me during lent. Last year I sat and reflected deeply on “Hosanna” by Brooke Ligertwood. It remained on my heart and in my mind as I found myself sitting with the lyrics and the meaning of the words to me in my current faith journey. I keep coming back to the songs of my youth and opening myself up again to this style of music. As this music genre was comforting and captivating as a youth, I experience it different and the same in my current faith development. I feel I meet it from more of a theological place, in does this song really align with my understanding of God and Jesus. “Come to the Table” is the current song has remained on my mind and heart for several weeks now. I heard this song recently at an ordination of a dear friend and minister within my church. I couldn’t believe I had never heard it before because it is one that speaks directly to the depths of my soul, to the core of my being. I have discovered if I let the lyrics speak what they need to share (without judgement or preconceived notions about the “Christian-ness” of the songwriters), I am more receptive to how they take hold of me in a genuine way.

I don’t trust a lot of Christian mainstream media. The media from my youth and media of today I am incredibly suspicious of. If something touches me or someone I love, my tendency is to immediately begin my google search to find out if the person is legit according to my standards. Many humans I know and love have been hurt by those who call themselves Christian. Most of these folx are evangelical in majority and background. I am deeply wary of anyone who calls themselves a pastor, minister, worship leader, etc. Sadly, but honestly, most of the distrust tends to be with white, male evangelicals. I have my reasons in this distrust. Religious trauma is real trauma and to be honest, there is no hurt like spiritual hurt. I am a continuing work in progress to lower my immediate defenses and open myself to living out the non-judgment, non-assumption I preach. This is a daily choice. I have a learned tendency to hear a name, a song, a church, a group, and go straight to my internet sleuthing to find something wrong with them. I remembered I did not know the group Sidewalk Prophets because their name at the time was off-putting to me. Again, this comes from a place of spiritual hurt and pain. My encounter with “sidewalk” preachers has not been a healthy encounter and I tend to avoid them at all costs. Due to my preconceived ideas and fears, I realized I missed out on a beautifully written, ideal song that has caused me to pause and reflect on it.

I value my gift of hospitality. Welcoming all to my table is something I hold dear and believe I do well. Or, I thought I did well. I welcomed all of those marginalized, “different” in some way. I believe this is how I love like Jesus. We have a sign hanging in our kitchen that our daughter bought as home decor. It reads, “Love Like Jesus.” As I have spent many a day sitting at the table alone during my recovery, I stared at it. I read it over and over again. I was proud that I believed I loved like Jesus. I did this well, I believed, until I started to take a deep dive into what love is. I love a lot of people. Most of those people have been set aside, outcasts, outsiders looking into a world that says you have to be a certain way to be welcomed “in.” Being adopted as an infant and growing up in a family that loved me and I them, still gave me pause as I searched for my identity in so many places, looking for my place, where I felt I belonged.

Belonging is a curious and definitive need. All want belonging, to be welcomed as a part of. I found this at an early age in church. Church felt like home. God’s “house” was a dwelling of comfort and belonging for me. I believe this is true for many, if not all, until humans enter and take control. This sacred, physical space fills up with humans, who I believe love God and hope for community (predators and those that want to harm obviously in question). I do believe at our basic core, we, humans, desire community, love, belonging and togetherness. Something may happen along the way that would leave this basic belief in question and for those individuals I honestly feel sad. I digress, as usual.

When sitting at my table, I thought about my life and how I have grown, and am growing, in my understanding of God and humanity. “Come to the Table” spoke to me in a way that I understand myself to be continually growing. Yes, ALL these people described make my heart scream “yes! Please come! You are welcome! I will communion with you, helping you feel seen, affirmed and whole.” Then I listen more carefully and my mind goes to those leaders and folks within the church that make others feel small, judged, shamed and excluded. Do I welcome those individuals to the table? Gosh, how hard that is? When everything inside me says “no! You are not welcome. You hurt and judge who is right, good and welcome.” I’m then convicted, in my heart. These deserve love too. They also are created in the image of a God who loves and instills hope, compassion. To those folks, over time and lots of work within myself, I am trying to open to welcome. Really it’s the choice of the other whether they want to come sit, but I have to be willing to invite. So listening to this song initially, I was All In, with all of it. As I sit more reflective and honest, I am working to take this song in and let it be true, all of it.

I fully believe Jesus invites all to the table. Even on the cross he says “Father forgive them for they know not what they do.” Generosity. At its purest. May there be “no one unwelcome here.” Let’s at least choose to try and be reflective about who, what and why this person rubs us a certain way. We have to be protective too, not only of ourselves, but those in our care too. Viktor Frankl said it best: Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.

Here are the lyrics to “Come to the Table.” I hope they gift to you what they have to me and cause you a moment of pause as well.

“Come to the Table” by Sidewalk Prophets

We all start on the outside
The outside looking in
This is where grace begins
We were hungry we were thirsty
With nothing left to give
Oh the shape that we were in
Just when all hope seemed lost
Love opened the door for us

He said come to the table
Come join the sinners who have been redeemed
Take your place beside the Savior
Sit down and be set free

Come to the table

Come meet this mightly crew of misfits
These liars and these thieves
There’s no one unwelcome here
That sin and shame that you brought with you

You can leave it at the door
And let mercy draw you near

So, come to the table
Come join the sinners who have been redeemed
Take your place beside the Savior

Sit down and be set free
Come to the table
Come to the table

To the thief and to the doubter
To the hero and the coward
To the prisoner and the soldier
To the young and to the older
All who hunger all who thirst
All the last and all the first
All the paupers and the princess
All who fail, you’ve been forgiven
All who dream and all who suffer
All who loved and lost another
All the chained and all the free
All who follow all who lead

Anyone who’s been let down
All the lost you have been found
All who have been labeled right or wrong
To everyone who hears this song

Oh
Come to the table
Come join the sinners you have been redeemed
Take your place beside the Savior
Sit down and be set free
Oh
Sit down and be set free
Come to the table
Come to the table
Sit down and be set free
Come to the table