Yesterday I turned 39. This has been a birthday that I have been begrudgingly moving toward. I don’t know if it’s because it’s the last year of my thirties or I have an underlying fear of turning 40. However, yesterday came and it went. It was a good day. My thirties have been a time of new beginnings (marriage and childbirth), stagnation and burnout (personally and professionally), painful growth (emotionally and spiritually) and now a time of ending a decade to begin a new one. As I look to this last year of my thirties, I hope to understand my fear around 40 and sit in this messy, contemplative space I have found myself in. I’m so thankful for what my thirties have taught me, woken me up to relationally, emotionally, spiritually, and have begun to ground myself as I am journeying home. There are a few things I want to commit to do this year.
1- Read 39 books. These books will be educational due to my professional goals, but also theological, fictional, non-fictional, and everything in between.
2- Be more intentional about my time with those I love and those I want to cultivate relationship with. I am already off Facebook and have been, (I only engage in Instagram) but when I’m with those I love and care about, leaving my phone, tv, and distractions aside is a commitment I hold for this year going forward.
3- Be reflective of the past, present, and hopeful for the future. This is where my blog will come into place and a commitment to continue it no matter how resistant I may become. I’m not good with monotony and things I name as mundane after a while.
4- Cook more from scratch and utilize farm produce, eggs, and meat more than buying and going to the store. There are plenty of opportunities for this around me. Yay!
5- Commit to a hobby- whether it be sewing, scrapbooking, crafting, farming, etc. I’m super interested in bee-keeping but am afraid I’ll lose interest and want to cultivate a desire to keep a hive and harvest the honey. (PS- I LOVE honey. I use it with EVERYTHING including my morning coffee.)
39 is a hopeful year for me to begin settling down and really living in the moment and for the day. I found that without Facebook, those who really care and remembered my birthday sent wonderful messages I cherish. It’s also become a sad reality for me to realize that those you care about and put a lot of yourself into, don’t always care about you the same. This is not because of the missed birthday wishes, but a realization I’ve made this year especially during the pandemic. I understand more what I have energy for and what I want to invest myself into- my family and friends I have come to deeply desire to cultivate deep relationships with and that number becomes fewer as I grow older, and for others too. Growing up is not an easy things to do, but it’s necessary. Once you’ve come so far, you can’t go back. I am thankful for the growth I have made and look, painfully at times, forward to growth to come.
The Journey Home 